My Time with Pedro* – Day 6
Staying with Pedro made me feel like “Lost in Translation”. Also Travis Rice says in the movie “The Art of Flight”: “When your whole life is dedicated to travel, you have to learn how to adapt to your surroundings.” During the last years a major part of my life was dedicated to travel. I extensively travelled for both business and leisure since I simply enjoy being out there and experiencing the world. My work in the last years was very internationally because I either worked abroad or my clients and / or colleagues were not German. I also attended several cultural awareness trainings for the countries I was mainly dealing with such as China, India, Japan, US, … But staying with Pedro felt somewhat different since it was on a private level and in a country I haven’t spend more than two months in so far.
I tried to be open-minded and understand the viewpoint of a Brazilian in order to understand why Pedro was speaking and acting in the way he did. There are a few points I think I have understood by now but there are others which I still haven’t understood. In general I would say I have failed to really understand Pedro as he has failed to really understand me. I’m convinced really understanding each other simply requires time, especially if you need to bridge cultures but unfortunately both of us didn’t wanted to invest the time in the way the other one expected it. I couldn’t decide on day six to spend the rest of my life in Brasilia and Pedro had no time to lose and really get to know me since he desperately wants a wife and kids today rather than tomorrow.
One thing where I was lost in translation was Pedro saying “I love you” already on day one. This really confused me since in Germany it takes several months until a guy says to you “I love you”. I also noted saying “I love you” is used in other cultures to express that you like someone. But to us Germans love means much more. It’s a feeling which develops over time and once you say “I love you” to someone you are getting very emotional and very much attached to that person so you cannot simply walk away. Most of us are very careful to whom we say “I love you”. Myself, I can still count the guys I said “I love you” to on one hand and I heard my last boyfriend saying “I love you” only once in maybe three years, so very much special is it. But it’s not about just saying “I love you” but to make the other person feel he / she is being loved and this is what really matters to me and which doesn’t need words to express. Therefore, it felt really strange hearing Pedro say “I love you” and I simply couldn’t believe it.
Another thing where I was lost in translation was Pedro insisting to “show the money” to me. It seems when a Brazilian guy likes a woman he expresses this not only by saying “I love you” but also by showing her the money he has. Pedro did this by paying for my food and drinks when eating out and also for cinema and such. For some reason he was also keen on signing a paper which would have made him legally responsible for me and I could sue him on in case he’s not paying for my living expenses. He also offered me a monthly payment in case I stay with him in Brazil and other kinds of financial benefits such as an instant marriage without any prenuptial agreement or giving me half of his flat on paper just in case I need any security to stay in Brazil. He also pointed out it’s the dream of every good looking Brazilian woman to have a husband who is making enough money so she don’t need to work anymore. But sorry, this is not my dream! I only want somebody who truly loves me and who is very much attached to me.
My perspective on this whole “show the money” thing is very much different. First of all I really don’t care how much money my boyfriend is making. He only should have some kind of job he likes and be able to earn enough money so he can live from his own work and not from taxpayer’s money. I rather stay with a “poor” guy I truly love and who is making me happy than with a “rich” guy who treats me like a bird in a golden cage. I don’t want anyone than myself to pay for my living expenses which also gives me the freedom to not be dependent on someone and act by what I think is right or wrong and not by what people holding the money want me to do. Living on someone’s money would give me the feeling of being bought and I really hate when someone gives me that feeling which Pedro didn’t understand. All things I do in live I do because I believe in them and not because someone is paying me to believe in them. I spend my time with people I like, I love people I have true feelings for and I never accepted an offer from someone to have sex with me for money. I fuck with whomever I like to fuck and if I don’t like I simply don’t do it. My very good education, my intelligence and flexibility have luckily put me on the bride side of life. I have one of the highest paying jobs one can have in Germany and earned enough money to be independent. I really like not to be dependent on someone. And although Pedro has one of the highest paying jobs in Brazil what I make back home in Germany is still more he’s making what he probably found difficult to believe.
I also would never request from someone to sign a paper which makes him responsible to pay for my living. I think it’s nothing but stupid to sign such a paper especially on day one or even day six. I never would sign such a paper for somebody and in case I get married again one day I will request a prenuptial agreement as I did for my first marriage to make sure the only reason from both sides to get married is pure love and not financial benefits they can gain from it.
Pedro, believe it or not, I only came back to Brasilia because you are someone very special and I started to fall in love with you. I really don’t care about your fucking money as Brazilian women do. I even lost significantly more money just for being with you than you paid for my food and drinks while being in Brasilia. Actually it’s a nightmare for me to be dependent on someone’s money. I hope you understand one day that true love is more worth than all the money in the world and you cannot buy it. Whenever you get married again, I hope your wife truly loves you and she’s not doing it for the money you were showing to her.
(* name changed)